You really don’t know what other people are going through. Impatient shoppers in the grocery store… school teachers whose smiles may be covering up unhappiness… strangers at the dog park who don’t pick up after their dogs.
It’s easy to assume that some people are jerks because they are rude. Or that others are happy simply because they have a smile pasted on their face.
I’m a generally happy person who enjoys being outgoing. I really like people.
But I’ve certainly had moments where some underlying negative emotion gets the better of me and I snap at my kids or speak impatiently with the customer service representative from Comcast.
And I always regret it.
These are moments, and the quicker you forget them the better. As Ted Lasso says, “You know who the happiest animal in the world is? A goldfish. Why? It’s got a 10-second memory.” Be a goldfish.
But the one thing you do want to remember is that everyone has their moments. And we don’t know what’s behind their regrettable behavior.
So, I’ve adopted a new practice where if someone is rude, cuts me off in traffic, or seems generally unpleasant, I imagine they are having a bad day. They may even be having an awful stretch of days. They may have just received devastating news. The possibilities are endless.
This practice is useful, as it promotes empathy toward the person and reminds you that not everything is about you. They aren’t necessarily directing their feelings at you.
Today I was reminded of this because I was the one having a shit day. Why I was having a shit day is unimportant. I just was, and I couldn’t seem to adjust my attitude.
As I walked my dog down the block and didn’t chat with the neighbors as usual, I thought, “How often have I seen someone do this and assumed they were just a sour person?”
Today, for a few hours, I was that person. I wasn’t intending to be impolite, I simply didn’t want to reveal my sadness to anyone. And so I hid behind sunglasses and AirPods and walked my dog without making eye contact with anyone.
I’m writing this as a simple reminder to not be ashamed of these experiences. Everyone has them. Some have more than others, and that is sad to consider.
The good news is we can find our way out of them. We’ve all survived our most difficult days.
Here is another suggestion that may not work for you, but it does work for me:
Go to Spotify or whatever music source you use and look up, “Stuck in a Moment You Can’t Get Out Of” by U2. Listen for these lyrics, and replay them in your mind:
“You’ve got to get yourself together
You’ve got stuck in a moment
And now you can’t get out of it
Don’t say that later will be better
Now you're stuck in a moment
And you can’t out of it.
And if the night runs over
And if the day won’t last
And if your way should falter
Along the stony paths
It’s just a moment
This time will pass”
Words of Wisdom !
On Patience & Understanding.
You always sound like A Happy Uplifting Individual. So I guess, on those rare days when you're not feelin' so good, or un-fortune finds you, you still feel it with the same degree of intensity.
Some of the best painters, who ordinarily paint bright scenes can do rare remarkable work, with shading hues.
Thanx For The Great Story.
I needed this read today. Timely.